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My True Story of Mi’raj (Ascension to Heaven)
I want to thank my new cyber-friend Mr. Malik Usman who by asserting that Mi’raj (Ascension to Heaven) is scientific gave me courage to come out of closet and write my true story. My Mi'raj took place some time ago but I kept it a secret up until now. I feared being ridiculed by the rationalists. But now that I know someone can prove Mi’raj is scientific I am not afraid anymore. I still don’t understand the scientific part of it, but I am sure my friend can explain it.
Malik Usman wrote: I can talk about Miraj, and can talk on its scientific aspects too, but it will just increase the length of the e-mail. If you like me to tell you more about it, do let me know.
This is my true story of Mi'raj. Dear Mr Usman, you don’t have to prove that Mi'raj is true and scientific. Actually I had experienced it myself. One night when I was just minding my own business, I heard a noise outside. I opened the window and there I saw Angel Gabriel jumping into my room. I was startled. He told me not to be afraid and that he meant no harm. He spoke in perfect English. I was shocked and did not know what to say, so I asked a stupid question. “You speak English!” I stuttered. “Sure", He replied in American accent, "it’s the age of the Internet, you got to keep up. We had ESL classes in the Heaven and all the angles now speak English.” His friendly mannerism put me at ease. I asked to what I owe the honor of being visited by an Archangel? He smiled and told me to get ready that I have a rendezvous with my creator. “What? Me? Why? But I am not ready!” I stuttered excitedly. “Don’t worry”, he told me. Then he pointed his magic wand at me and whispered something that I did not understand and suddenly all my cloths were changed into a sparkling white suit and a red tie. It was so elegant that I had never seen the like of it in any Oscar nomination. Then he told me that sometimes he has to wash the heart of the visitors to Heaven. I was frightened to death. I recalled having read that he had taken Muhammad’s heart out of his chest and washed it before taking him to his Mi'raj. He noticed the panic on my face and told me, "don't worry, I have an X ray vision. I saw your heart and it is clean." I was relieved for not having to go through that excruciating experience. Then he added, “When I met Muhammad, boy his heart was so dirty that I had to send for an extra box of detergent to clean it". Suddenly I saw a huge bird covering the moon descending towards us. “What is that?” I enquired. “Oh that is Morgullah” he replied. “That is the bird of the paradise, it works like limousine. It will take you to Heaven”. “What about the Buraq?" I asked. "The steed that took the Prophet to Heaven in his night of Mi'raj?" "Oh that old donkey", he replied, "Buraq is just an ordinary taxi compared to Morgullah. He carries cargos and sometimes guests of low profile", He added. Morgullah landed gracefully in the back yard. It was a huge bird. Its wingspan was roughly 10 meters. It looked like a big white eagle with the face of a human and a beautiful long colorful feathered tail. I mounted the bird. There was a saddle fastened to his shoulder; I sat on the saddle and the bird asked me to buckle up. I did as I was told and he became airborne. On the way up he told me that few of his passengers that were called to Heaven to be anointed as prophets fell down from the sky to their death and that is why now it is mandatory that all visitors to paradise wear their saddle belt. He said that the guardian angels constantly patrol the skies and if they find him giving ride to a passenger who has not fastened his saddle belt, they will fine him by burning some of his feathers in the fire of hell. Morgullah soared and I could see my house from above and then the lights of the city. We kept going higher and higher. I could feel the cool breeze on my face, which was very refreshing. Finally he stopped and the Gabriel who was leading the way came to blindfold me. I asked why he wants to blindfold me? Am I being kidnapped? He gave me a reassuring smile and said, “No, it is for your own protection.” He explained that if I know exactly the address of the heaven, the humans can extract it from me by torture and now that they have invented the airplanes they will turn the Paradise into a tourist destination and will spoil that lovely place. The inhabitants of the Paradise do not want anyone to come and disturb their peace. I consented being blindfolded and we rode another 30 minutes or so. When they opened my eyes, I saw such a beautiful place that words can not describe. A garden of flowers and lush trees. Rivers of wine, honey and milk flowing in its midst, voluptuous houris semi naked, with firm breasts strolling up and down the boulevards! Filthy bearded men were drinking wine and each one having two or more houris around them. Oh it was just the way Muhammad had described. So I knew that he was a true messenger of Allah and he was not lying when he said that he visited the Heaven. In some places I had to turn my head the other way. Some of these guys were having orgies with their houris; threesomes, foursomes, up to 73 somes! One fitly bearded man with 72 gorgeous looking houris. It was disgusting, but I was excited. I had read Muhammad promising all these goodies to the believers but never believe him. A blond houri approached and gave me the most charming smile that melted my heart. She asked, “looking for company?” I looked at Gabriel for permission. She was just the kind of woman I like. She was skinny, tall, with such a beautiful smile, a Hollywood kind of girl; much better than Pamela Anderson and Julia Roberts combined. I exclaimed Fa tabarak Allah ahsan al khaleqeen (praise be Allah the best of the creators). I knew this is the right thing to say. This was what Muhammad exclaimed when he saw his own daughter in-law, semi naked, and fell in love with her. I said to my self, "Oh man, this must be Paradise! Sure Muhammad knew what he was talking about." But the Gabriel said that we don’t have time and that God is expecting me. I asked whether we could stop for an hour or so after the meeting with God is over? After all it was paradise and all the sins are allowed there. He answered in negative and told me that I cannot be with a woman who is not mahram to me, but when I die I can have as many houris as I like. Suddenly death seemed so enticing. I realized why Muslim jihadis are so eager to become suicide bombers and do not fear death. Of course with that much sex in paradise who does not want to die? We kept walking. It was like walking on the clouds. Amazingly I saw very few women. There were a lot of houris but not many women. I asked where are the women? I wondered whether the woman have a separate paradise like the public busses in Pakistan where there is a partition between the gents compartment and the ladies compartment. The Angel said that Paradise does not have a separate compartment for the women, "the majority of women are in the Hell". “In the Hell?” I exclaimed shockingly, "Why in the Hell?" “They are in the Hell because they disobeyed their husbands, became feminists and wanted equal rights with men”, He replied. “This is a big sin. Allah has created women to serve men and be obedient to them, but they keep asking equal rights, so when they die Allah sends them to Hell.” I was sad. I thought it was so unfair. I recalled Muhammad's saying that in his Mi'raj, when he visited the Heaven and the Hell, he saw that the majority of the inhabitants of the Hell were women, but I thought he said it because he was a woman hater. All my life I had fought for the equality of the rights between men and women, while all along this old misogynist god with the mentality of a Neanderthal wanted them to be slaves to men. I was dismayed to learn that Muhammad, Moses and Christ actually told the truth and that it was all part of God’s plan to deprive women from their human rights. Anyway, we kept walking until we reached a pearly gate. It opened automatically as we approached. “Cool hah?" Said Gabriel. He explained that this door can recognize the person approaching by reading the retina of his eyes and if that person is authorized it will open automatically otherwise it wont. I thought it was a miracle, but he said that the gate actually operated with a gadget that they got from the Earth. Then he explained that in Heaven they use a lot of earthly inventions. He chuckled and said since the Internet became popular even God has learned how to use it and is now hooked to the Internet. "The angels now do most of the godly duties," he confessed, and added "God is always busy chatting with people through the Internet. He does that with different aliases and screen names. People don’t know that they are chatting with God. He loves it because he always liked to talk to people while hiding behind a messenger, now he can do that hiding behind a computer." The door opened to a huge garden full of lights and delights. I asked, “Where is this place?” The Angel replied; “this is where God lives.” I saw a huge palace made of gold and crystal. We entered the foyer, through the first hall and the second hall and every angel bowed in front of us as we passed and I bowed back until we met a man in white garment at the end of the hall in front of the stairs. He greeted me very warmly. I said; “do we know each other?” He answered; “I am Jesus, the Son of God”! “Oh Jesus!” I exclaimed. I was very happy to meet Jesus in person. But how come he says that he is the Son of God? I wondered. Didn't the Prophet say that God was a bachelor and he did not have children? Then he introduced me to Zoroaster and few other prophets. I greeted all of them. I asked for Muhammad, they all looked down apprehensively. “What? What has happed to him? Is he dead?” I asked worriedly. “Of course he is dead” Jesus chortled. “We are all dead, you silly. He is just not in Paradise”. “Where is he then?” I enquired anxiously. “He is in the Hell”, responded Jesus. “In the Hell?” I cried out, “What is he doing in the Hell? Is he in charge of torturing the infidels?” I knew that the Prophet would have loved this job and he would have volunteered to do it even if no one asked him to. “No", said Jesus, "he is in the Hell being tortured himself. They make him drink boiling water and toast him in the blazing fire. Didn't Dante tell you? "Yes", I said "but he called his book the Divine Comedy?” so I thought it must be a joke. "Oh well", sighed Jesus, "When God started this whole business of sending messengers, it was supposed to be a comedy. The idea was to keep people amused and teach them a thing or two. But it went out of hand, people started killing each other and Muhammad massacred thousands of those who did not believe in him. It ended up to become a big tragedy and no one is laughing anymore. “The Prophet is in the Hell being tortured?” I screamed horrified, unable to accept what I was being told. Jesus put his finger over his lips and said, “hash,... Dad is upstairs, he can hear you.” But it was too late already. His Dad did hear me. A stereophonic voice sounded in the palace: “Yes” spoke God “We have sent him to Hell because he lied and killed so many of our children wrongfully blaming it on Us." The voice was coming from all directions and I thought there were a multitude of gods all talking at the same time in choir. I looked around, left and right, very confused, but saw no one. Zoroaster came forward, he put his arm over my shoulder and said, “hamshahri don’t be afraid”. (Hamshahri in Parsi means compatriot. That is the informal friendly way we Iranians address each other. Zoroaster and I are both Iraninas) He spoke to me in an old pure Parsi language and said: “This “WE” that God is so fond to use is the WE of majesty. There is just one God, but He likes to talk in plural because it sounds more majestic. Now son, you take off your shoes and climb these stairs, don’t make God wait too long. He wants to see you. Hurry up… go.” I was frightened, but they assured me that there is nothing to be afraid of and God is a good god and that Muhammad was a pathetic liar who presented him as a fearful God. I climbed the stairs and entered a huge room full of light. But the light did not dazzle my eyes. It was a serene atmosphere. I heard some soft music. I looked in the left of the room and saw Vivaldi playing violin. I greeted him with a smile; he acknowledged me with a nod of the head and a winkle and continued to play. Then I looked at the source of the light and saw a being. I saw a throne and on the throne it was Him, the quest of all mankind, the desire of all the mystics and saints, the object of adoration of all the inhabitants of the Earth and all the denizen of the Heaven. Don't ask me at presence of whom I was standing. I saw no one but the maker of this universe, sitting on his throne with majesty and glory. I fell at once on the ground and started kissing the marble floor and exclaimed; "Glory be to Thee the Lord of all the creation, and the desire of all the nations". I looked up and could see that God was pleased to be praised. He liked adulation. So I continued. "Praise, Praise, Subhanika, Subhanika, halleluiah, hari hari, .... ". He was delighted to hear these words. I wanted to continue but he said that is enough, and asked me to sit on a chair close to me. Then he said that I was lucky to be allowed to see his face. He would not let Muhammad see him, he told me. That is why when he was summoned for his Mi’raj he was interviewed from behind a curtain. He also told me that Muhammad mixed a lot of lies with his message, that most of the verses in Quran are Satanic Verses and that he was not the preferred messenger as he claimed to be. He said that they called Muhammad up and showed him the Hell to warn him that he is not above the law and if he screws up that is the place that he would be send to. But he would not listen and he abused his powers. “Do you know what is the punishment of a messenger who breaks Our covenant?” God shouted into my ears, spraying his holy saliva all over my face. I was so shaken that I almost peed in my white new pants. I remained silent. “Twice the punishment of the ordinary people!” He screamed. I kept quiet until He calmed down. When I recovered my composure I asked meekly, “What did he do?” just to break the silence and pretend that I am okay. My voice barely came out. God's face turned red once again and said, "That SoB lied in my name. He killed so many innocent people to impose his own dominance. He raped their women, stole their properties and instead of teaching people Our Word by good example, instead of showing them how compassionate and merciful We Are, he forced them into submission by sword. We never told him to kill. If We wanted to kill the unbelievers We could have done it Ourselves. He abused Our name and did what he wanted all for his own personal gain. Now he is going to pass all his dead existence in Hell." I kept quiet until He calmed down again. I thought God is too angry with Muhammad and it is better if I do not bring his name up. After a while, he noticed how uncomfortable I was and in his divine wisdom he changed the conversation. He looked at Vivaldi who had stopped playing his violin when he saw God is shouting so angrily and told him to resume. Then he asked me whether I preferred tea or coffee. I said, my Lord knows best. He smiled and ordered cappuccino. I was then sure that he was the true God. How otherwise could he know that I prefer cappuccino to tea and coffee? In that meeting God told me a series of things about my duties. He gave me all the instructions. I said I might forget all these things! “Don’t you worry", He replied, "We will send Our instructions to you by email every day. So each morning when you open your inbox, you can read Our messages first. In this way there will be no confusion. We had lots of difficulties with that illiterate Muhammad. We had to convey the verses to Gabriel, Gabriel would relay them to Muhammad and Muhammad would read them to his secretaries. A lot of Our original revelations got lost in this way going from mouth to mouth. Sometimes his secretaries would suggest some improvements to Our verses and he would accept, then he would go and kill them if they revealed this to others. As if this was not bad enough Muhammad often mistook Satan with Gabriel and would write Satan's words in Quran claiming that they were Ours. In one occasion when he praised Lat, Manat, and Al Uza Gabriel caught him, then he admitted that the words he wrote were Satanic Verses, put in his mouth by Satan, and he retracted. but most of the times he got away with it. Now with the Internet there won't be any such problems. All you have to do is to forward my emails to whoever believes in you". Then God started to speak about other things. He told me how hard it is for him to manage the whole universe single-handedly. He said that he had been thinking of finding a partner to share some of the tasks but had not been able to find a good reliable god in the whole universe that he could trust. He said that he was looking for someone to do most of the work but do not expect to receive the praise of the people. "I just do not like the idea that someone else be praised", He said. "I know it does not sound nice, but what can I say, I guess I am a little jealous." He said it coyly. I asked whether he would consider taking a goddess to share some of his works and keep him company. "Ah women. Do you want me to let a women run the world? Those are worse. As soon as you let them they will ask for equal status and before you know it they take over the whole show." I asked about Mary. "What about Mary?" He asked me roughly. "There is nothing between Mary and I. It was just a one-night stand. It shouldn't have happened, but it happened and it is over. Mary got married to her fiancé and had other children. You people are so good at making rumors. The truth is that apart from that night that I lost my head, I never met Mary again." The meeting lasted about one hour. I had few questions but I remembered what happened to Muhammad and dared not to ask. I wanted to ask why God has destined some creatures to become food to others? This is something that has bothered me a lot since I was a child. But I let it go. I think he read my mind but said nothing. Perhaps it is because he did not have a good answer for that either. Who knows, may be when he created this world he was young and inexperienced and did not know how to create a perfect world where there is no cruelty. Finally the time was up and He bade me to leave. I went downstairs and met Gabriel who took me back the same way he had taken me up and I was home before the dawn. In this trip I did not get the chance to visit the Hell and see how Muhammad was doing. But if I am allowed a second Mi’raj I will certainly ask to be shown the Hell and the Prophet. Dear Malik Usman, as you see this is a story I cannot just tell to everyone. But you are so open-minded and know that Mi’raj is scientific that I feel comfortable to share it with you. I am happy to know that by telling you what happened to me you won’t think I am crazy. You know that Mi’raj is scientific and if it happened to Muhammad it could happen to others. Of course I cannot prove my claim scientifically. That is why I depend on you to explain the scientific aspect of the Mi'raj to my skeptic readers. People of little faith always ask for proof. You on the other hand have maintained, "Faith needs no proof". Thanks God you are above that. It is rare to find intelligent people like you who can accept and even PROVE the scientific aspect of Mi'raj in this day and age. That is why I shared with you my secret that I had not revealed to anyone before. I can hear already the mocking of some people of little faith accusing me of lying. Say, nay indeed I am not lying but ye are lying. Ye are the people of fire. Praise thy Lord for I have no mandate to slay ye like the Prophet did by sending his hitmen to terror the unbelievers in the middle of the night, but know that the blazing fire of Hell is awaiting those who disbelieve and there is no refuge for them when their hour strike. Praise be Allah, the Almighty, the Wise and the one who holds the truth in his hand and can defy logics, make right appear wrong and wrong look right. He who is the master of deceit (Q, 3:54) and the best trickster.
Ali Sina 10 June 2001
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